The Cat Spot

Waking up on day two of age 25, I knew Austin wasn't my home. I had no idea where my home was, but these would be my last days in Austin before heading up north for Thanksgiving. Austin was nothing I expected. I didn't follow through on anything I said I was going to do, but I certainly learned a lot. Didn't become a certified Kundalini yoga instructor. I wasn't feeling the program and I after meeting the people I needed to from the program, it really had nothing else to offer. I wanted to be closer to my brother. While I was locationally to him, he was further away from me than ever. Nothing ever happened with the puppets. I got really close and had some people to work with, but it didn't work out. People would get really excited and I thought we were heading somewhere, but at the end of it all, it was just me, and I couldn't do it alone. The puppet rap music video didn't work because the person I tried working with to make a beat, wasn't on the same p...

The day I left Austin, a friend decided to she wanted to come along. She wouldn't leave my side and when I opened the back door of my van, she hopped in. We had conversation about her joining me up north a week before: "You know honey, I'm going to be leaving here soon. I just wanted to let you know now so it won't come as such a shock when the day came." -Me She sat up, looked at me, then rested her head in my lap, and starred at me, "Take me with you. I want to go with you."-Iris "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. In all honesty I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm not saying no, but let me think about it and when the time comes a decision will be made."-Me We sat on the couch for a while,cuddling, not knowing if these would be our last moments together. We had spent almost everyday together for the past three weeks. She somehow found a way to get close to me in a way that no one else had, and I let her. The main reason for ...

Lunch has never been my favorite meal of the day, but I do enjoy partaking with people I love. I have lunch because I have love. (So serious...) Minutes after officially withdrawing from the Kundalini program, I called my brother, Daniel. I wanted to have lunch. I told him to think of a place to eat. After a minor discussion between Daniel and his girlfriend, Hannah, they decided they didn't want Tex-Mex . Daniel was about to to perform an online food search, when Hannah's eyes widened and a name escaped her lips, "Marie Callender's." Daniel snapped his head at her with a look of, "Are you serious?" I paused and reflected on my curiosity of the place every time I drive past it. "Ok let's do it. I want to go there out of pure curiosity," I affirmed Hannah's suggestion. Daniel looked a little confused as if he couldn't believe we just made that decision and were actually following through with it. Deep down, he secretly wanted to go...

A few weeks ago I enrolled in a Kundalini Teacher Training program. Kundalini yoga fell into my lap when I arrived in Austin and got me through the rough beginning. The universe introduced me to a group of fascinating people and submersed myself in the world of healing. Everyone seemed to be a massage therapist, rake healer (I'm not a fan), or involved in other forms of healing work. I found my techniques to be different and efficient. It was fun for a while, but I craved diversity and had strayed from my true intention of moving to Austin...to make a puppet rap music video. Graduating from InVision , a school for psychics, I walked away with two very important tools: neutrality, and amusement. Then it hit me, I totally lost my amusement. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. I was so happy to have people to spend time with, I pushed my dreams, and amusement aside and down played my true self. I immersed myself in yoga and got myself back into energy work. I gave a couple energy...

Monday was a day of no expectations and effortlessness. Started the morning out with some kundalini yoga, followed by whatever I felt like doing after. I stayed with my brother for the weekend and to play my part, I put some music on and attempted to clean his kitchen. Dan came out of his room with a look of "I just woke up and have no idea what's going on, but I'm a little angry." He looked at me and asked what I was doing. He looked at my iPod that was playing and told me, "I'm was going to put my iPod on clean, so you are gonna have to find something else to do. I need to feel like I'm doing something with my day." I told him I could help, but he refused. A little confused as to why he wouldn't take my help, I headed to the room I was staying in. About ten minutes later Dan pops his head in the room and looks at me, "Sorry if I was rude to you earlier. I'm just not feeling very well." I found his behavior rather amusing and I ...

After traveling up the California coast and parking it in Seattle for a while, I finally felt ready to plant some roots and decided to make Austin my playground. Once upon a time earlier this summer, I left Chicago and embarked on an Odyssey to experience life, love, create, and really connect with people, and find the ones that I want to have on my team to create with and for when the Apocalypse happens. I found all those things, but not the way I initially wanted. I made some great connections in Austin, but there was one connection that I felt stronger than the others. He was the last person I saw when I left Austin back in July. I didn't put too much thought into it at the time but looking back I realized some things. I haven't connected with a man in that way in a very very long time, if ever. We were drawn to each other right from the moment we saw each other. He could really see me, and the conversations were always deep and meaningful. The way he looks at me made me f...

It’s strange being in Albuquerque now. So much has happened since my life here. I feel comfortable for the first time in years. I’ve finally owned my past. While my confidence is there, many emotions have been stirring. I believe it’s because I’m finally in a place where I’m strong enough to fully process and learn. It’s strange. Ever since I’ve gotten to Albuquerque, in the evening around the same time (6:00pm): Feelings of immense sadness My heart aches On the verge of tears but no release Desire for something more but unaware of what that is... It’s love, validation, and the need to be wanted by someone Is it strange that I’ve never made love? I think so...but I can explain. It all started when I was a young little thang I did what I was told and of course I complained, but for the most part I was pretty tame My mama use to tell me the ways of the world and how I had to work twice as hard because I’m a girl Don’t be too pretty, but always be smart, and that’s how you c...