dejections of an almost never woman
~Stumbled upon this forgotten journal entry back in the winter of 2006. I believe I'm 20-21, living in a tiny tiny studio in Boystown~ Running my hands through my hair and almost pulling it out while sounds of frustration escape my mouth, I close m y eyes to escape the world. I fantasize about blowing my brains out. After pulling the trigger, my body/mind/spirit enter a state of ecstasy. I observe my brains blasted on the wall. I smile. For a brief moment everything disappears. Peace. My eyes open and I'm faced with reality all over again. I eat a piece of raspberry confection that only gives me about 13 seconds of gratification. I stare at the panda on the bottom left corner of the raspberry confection box, wishing he would take the bamboo out his mouth and give me some advice. I wait for a moment…nothing. Buddha sits next to my fish, Lucas Also (named after the late Lucas the snake) in front of a picture with two rainbow horses that I painted when I was nine. Buddha ju