Unsettled, Unsatisfied, yet Optimistic

As the days go by, the more unsatisfying life stays. Food, people, alcohol,places, nothing can ease this feeling of discontent and disgust with what I've allowed to come of my life. I reflect on a conversation I had with Kennyetta a short while back.

"I love being a woman." -Me
"I don't believe you." -Kennyetta
"Umm...why? What makes you say that? I really do!"-Me
"I've heard you say that before, and believed it, but right then, no way. I heard you say it, but it felt flat and forced, as if you are trying to convince yourself, but in reality you are actually disenchanted with being a woman right now."-Kennyetta
"But I really do!"-Me
"Sure. Okay. Here is the thing, you are hott as hell; could probably get any man; financially stable; and have the freedom to do WHATEVER you want. My question is, why aren't you? What's stopping you?"-Kennyetta
"I don't really know. I'm figuring it out. I keeping hoping that I'll wake up one day and I'll get 'it.' I'm working on it."-Me
"Well, what do you want to do?"-Kennyetta
"Too many things. It's overwhelming at times. I don't want to really talk about it, because I find when I do, I never actually do anything. I feel it's something I just have to do and trust myself. When I talk too much about it, I loose the intent and other people's judgments and opinions cloud the initial start up. I hate having to give people a forced explanation because it doesn't work that way. For me at least. It will happen."-Me
"Alright, well, prove it."-Kennyetta

Kennyetta struck a nerve. I've been going around pretending that life is "so wonderful," and that "I get to do whatever I want." Sure I've been having some fun, but if I'm going to be honest, all I've been done is allowed myself to become distracted from myself. New people, new places, new interests, but the same feeling of discontent.

I fear the curse of complacent content.

I am a grown ass woman and I am not living the life I want.

Carp diem...

Dreams can come true...

The plan is no plan, and to hit em' when and where they least expect it.

(photo taken by Balthazar)


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