And then one day I woke up to realize that everything is going to be fine

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r. carlos nakai+braking bad=missing new mexico

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Been listening to a lot of R. Carlos Nakai lately whether it be during yoga practice, drivin in my mini van, or working with clients during healing sessions. Also recently got addicted to the series " Braking Bad ." Watching the show only confirms my desire to never try meth, while at the same time makes miss the beauty and soul of northern New Mexico. There is no other place in the world like it. also some "don't do meth" propaganda, which i fully stand behind: Spun is a great movie about daily life as a meth tweaker.
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Unsettled, Unsatisfied, yet Optimistic

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As the days go by, the more unsatisfying life stays. Food, people, alcohol,places, nothing can ease this feeling of discontent and disgust with what I've allowed to come of my life. I reflect on a conversation I had with Kennyetta a short while back. "I love being a woman." -Me "I don't believe you." -Kennyetta "Umm...why? What makes you say that? I really do!"-Me "I've heard you say that before, and believed it, but right then, no way. I heard you say it, but it felt flat and forced, as if you are trying to convince yourself, but in reality you are actually disenchanted with being a woman right now."-Kennyetta "But I really do!"-Me "Sure. Okay. Here is the thing, you are hott as hell; could probably get any man; financially stable; and have the freedom to do WHATEVER you want. My question is, why aren't you? What's stopping you?"-Kennyetta "I don't really know. I'm figuring it out. I keeping h...
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Scars of Beauty

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I've been battling my breasts since age 11. They have always been my least favorite body part. At age 11 I made a deal with God. The deal was that I would have a nice booty in exchange for my breasts. I started blossoming at age 9 and wanted to prevent the growth of massive breasts like my mother had. I stood out enough by my height alone. To be 5'5 at age 10 was mortifying and awesome, but mostly mortifying. Over night my body grew so fast that when I woke up I had some how developed a woman's body. Due to the rapid growth, my body became scarred with stretch marks on my breasts, hips, inner thighs. This also caused a great deal of insecurity for me. Only pregnant women and fat people get stretch marks, and apparently growing mutant children. 5 th grade I had this little boyfriend named Steve Sansone (pretty sure he turned me off to all Italian/American men). Not sure how we got into a disagreement, but he took it to a level a cruelty. My mother was fighting cance...
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