The Cat Spot

As the days go by, the more unsatisfying life stays. Food, people, alcohol,places, nothing can ease this feeling of discontent and disgust with what I've allowed to come of my life. I reflect on a conversation I had with Kennyetta a short while back. "I love being a woman." -Me "I don't believe you." -Kennyetta "Umm...why? What makes you say that? I really do!"-Me "I've heard you say that before, and believed it, but right then, no way. I heard you say it, but it felt flat and forced, as if you are trying to convince yourself, but in reality you are actually disenchanted with being a woman right now."-Kennyetta "But I really do!"-Me "Sure. Okay. Here is the thing, you are hott as hell; could probably get any man; financially stable; and have the freedom to do WHATEVER you want. My question is, why aren't you? What's stopping you?"-Kennyetta "I don't really know. I'm figuring it out. I keeping h...

While living in Austin, Texas, I explored different yogas . I was familiar mostly with Kundalini and Hatha . I wanted something different from the two and saw that an Ashtanga class at the time I desired. Before deciding to attend the class I never heard of it before. I read the little blerp about the class and didn't do any research before attending. The blerp mentioned that the class was for students who have practiced yoga for a while and are familiar with the primary poses. I figured I could get by. I arrived to class early and set my mat down, laid in savasana , waiting for others to come. A man entered and asked me which way we were setting up the mats today. I looked around and noticed three other people lined their mats perpendicular to the wall, and a few on the other side of the room had their mats facing the people on the opposing wall. Mine faced the front of the room. I quickly got up, smiled, answered in a light chuckle, and moved my mat, mildly mortified. The ...

The morning began at 4:46am for early morning sadhana practice in my living room. Singing, yoga, and meditation all happen within a three hour time span. This morning I decided to do a longer s at kriya than I have in a while. This exersice/meditation involves pumping the naval, and really gets things moving in the mid section of the body on the physical level. It was invigorating. I drank some tea, ate some miso soup with mushrooms and seaweed (seaweed makes my pee smell like the ocean). Lovely. Took a brief nap, and a dream came to visit: ~dream 2/7/11~ Still in Austin. Preparing to leave the city. One day left. Angelique wants me to meet her at this yoga festival. I didn't feel like going to the festival. I told her I would meet up with her afterwards in the early AM after everyone had left. A gathering for an unknown reason was to happen during that time. I spent the time in between in my semi-vacant apartment. Everything packed away except my deep orange tapestry centered by...

Waking up on day two of age 25, I knew Austin wasn't my home. I had no idea where my home was, but these would be my last days in Austin before heading up north for Thanksgiving. Austin was nothing I expected. I didn't follow through on anything I said I was going to do, but I certainly learned a lot. Didn't become a certified Kundalini yoga instructor. I wasn't feeling the program and I after meeting the people I needed to from the program, it really had nothing else to offer. I wanted to be closer to my brother. While I was locationally to him, he was further away from me than ever. Nothing ever happened with the puppets. I got really close and had some people to work with, but it didn't work out. People would get really excited and I thought we were heading somewhere, but at the end of it all, it was just me, and I couldn't do it alone. The puppet rap music video didn't work because the person I tried working with to make a beat, wasn't on the same p...

The day I left Austin, a friend decided to she wanted to come along. She wouldn't leave my side and when I opened the back door of my van, she hopped in. We had conversation about her joining me up north a week before: "You know honey, I'm going to be leaving here soon. I just wanted to let you know now so it won't come as such a shock when the day came." -Me She sat up, looked at me, then rested her head in my lap, and starred at me, "Take me with you. I want to go with you."-Iris "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. In all honesty I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm not saying no, but let me think about it and when the time comes a decision will be made."-Me We sat on the couch for a while,cuddling, not knowing if these would be our last moments together. We had spent almost everyday together for the past three weeks. She somehow found a way to get close to me in a way that no one else had, and I let her. The main reason for ...